Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize