My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
