i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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