I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
