:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
