I got chris browned last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
