sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This baby is an asshole
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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