I wanna bring you to show and tell
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
