he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
