3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
