Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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