OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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