I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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