I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
