first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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