how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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