Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize