One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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