tell your sister to shave her snatch
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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