Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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