That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
