So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
