would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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