when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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