Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
