I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
