i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
