i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
love makes seman taste better
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
