i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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