1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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