No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
