Just cropdusted the office
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
