i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
