You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
