someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
