i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
