did you get engaged???
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
