Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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