Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
