i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
