My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
