I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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