dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's blow job season.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize