i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
