He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
