you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
