I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
