Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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