I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
