I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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