Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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