Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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