operation harelip BJ is a go
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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