My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
