3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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