She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
