you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you traded sex for a burrito?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize