I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
