At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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