Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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