I'm going to jail i love you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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