AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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