Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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