i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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