sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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