RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
