Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
