Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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