Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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