either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
3pm strippers are depressing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
