I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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