He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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