WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
