She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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