Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
