Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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