It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
