rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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