im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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