So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
