After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
