definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
