I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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