Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
