I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
