I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
