btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
