your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
