my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
