Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
