Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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