***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
