I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There r osticjed everywhere
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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