whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
