Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
