I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's Friday. Sex?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
