He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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