somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
